Letters to My Treadmill

June 14th

Dear Millie,

Hi!  Long time no see, huh?  Well, I guess if I’m being honest that’s not technically true.  Every time I walk into the family room I can feel you glaring at me, but I haven’t risked a glance in your direction because I feel guilty about how we left things.  I know I promised we’d hook up again after the holiday season was over to work off all the Christmas cookies I ate, and I feel really bad for leaving you hanging for so long.  I’m sure you must resent how I’ve treated you, but it’s not like I planned to use you as a clothes hanger.  I thought that if I hid you beneath a mound of laundry, I wouldn’t be reminded that the remedy for my ever-expanding ass was right under my nose.  You’ve heard the saying “ignorance is bliss”, right?  Well, denial is even more so…. until you can’t zipper your jeans, then all bliss is lost.

Do you remember when I first brought you home a few years ago?  I was SO excited and I promised you that we’d hang out everyday.  How naïve was that?!  I should have known that you and I are too different to make a long-term relationship work.  You’re always on the move, and sometimes I just need to spend a little downtime with the other furnishings in the house – like Couch.  I hope I don’t make you jealous by saying this, but Couch understands me in a way you never could.  He is always so comforting and supportive, and doesn’t judge me for watching eight-hour House marathons on TBS.

Please don’t blame yourself for us not working out- it’s not you, it’s me.  I’m the one who made promises I couldn’t possibly keep and pretended to be someone I’m not.  But you have remained true to who you are from day one.  How do you keep on such a steady, straight course and never waiver?  I wish I could be more like you.  I’m really trying to turn over a new leaf… I know you’ve heard that one before, but I mean it this time.

I’d understand if you didn’t want to give me a second chance… well, it’s more like a fifth or sixth chance, I guess.  But if you’ll indulge me one last time I promise you won’t regret it.   I’ll meet you in the family room, sneakers laced and ready to run!  Whoo-hoo!!

Can’t wait to feel the burn,

Linda

June 15th

Dear Millie,

Today didn’t work out exactly the way I planned.  I apologize for being late for the big reunion, but it took me fifteen minutes just to find my damn sneakers.  I should have thought to look in the back of my closet because I put all my useless crap back there.  Once I found them, I thought I was ready to rock and roll, but I hadn’t taken into account that you would need some prep time too.  I know it’s been awhile but damn girl, you have definitely seen better days.   It took ten minutes to clean off all the dust that had accumulated over the last six months.  If I hadn’t, I knew there wasn’t enough Benedryl in the entire state of New York that would have saved me from the resulting allergy attack.

After wasting almost a half hour, my motivation was nearly non-existent and all I wanted to do was take a nap.  I knew it would be hard to start exercising again after all those months of hanging out with Couch, but I didn’t anticipate my feelings of frustration, self-loathing, and hatred towards you to be quite so overwhelming.  Sorry I called you an electronic piece of shit – I didn’t mean it.  It was said in a moment of agony because I felt like my guts were being forcefully yanked out of my belly button. If it makes you feel any better, the names I call Scale are WAY worse.  But in the future, I’ll try to direct my anger where it belongs – on the pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream in the freezer.  If it weren’t for those tasty bastards, I probably wouldn’t be in this mess.

Miserably yours,

Linda

Dust-free Millie and my running goddess, Sveltelana.

June 16th

Dear Millie,

Clearly whoever coined the phrase “it gets better with time” wasn’t talking about a fat girl on a treadmill.  Our meeting today sucked just as much as yesterday.  My stamina wasn’t half what it was six months ago.  I can’t believe I ran a 5K race in November and another one at the beginning of December!  I must have been on drugs… or delusional… or on drugs that caused delusions.  If it weren’t for the finish line pictures, I would’ve thought I hallucinated the whole thing….

         

Can you tell which one was my first race?  I thought I was going to need a paramedic and defibrillator paddles when I crossed the finish line the first time.  It amazes me what a difference a month makes – look how happy I was to torture myself the second time!

Now six months later, I’m starting from ground zero again.  I had no delusions of grandeur this time around.  I was only going to walk with you – NO running allowed…. except when the Black Eyed Peas sing “Pump It” because despite my pathetic condition, I can’t help but run to that song (although my lungs did threaten to boycott my body if I didn’t stop).  But even at a slower pace I still felt out of breath, and at the 2.5 mile mark one of the toes on my left foot felt like an overfilled water balloon about to burst – seemed like a good excuse to stop.  I’m sure you wouldn’t have appreciated toe juice splattered all over you.

Oh, while we’re on the subject of things we don’t appreciate, let me say that I don’t appreciate you creaking and groaning the way you’ve been doing the last couple of days.  I already know I’m fifteen pounds heavier than I was the last time we got together, so I don’t need you reminding me of that fact every time I take a step.  I just joined up with Weight Watchers again, so quit your bitching or I’ll trade you in for a Bowflex Treadclimber – they claim to burn over three and a half times the amount of calories you do… not a threat… just food for thought.

Fuck the burn…. I need a brownie,

Linda

P.S. –  Here’s a visual diary of our progress this week.  As you can see by the pictures, we walked 2.5 miles each day but the finish times vary.  I’m trying to take solace in the fact that we got a little bit faster everyday, and ignore the voice in my head that reminds me that I managed to finish a 5K (3.1 miles) in 35 minutes not too long ago….

          

         

192 thoughts on “Letters to My Treadmill

  1. No backsliding? You’re talking to the woman who gained and lost the same 15lbs. half a dozen times in the last four years. I list backsliding among the many crappy things I do really well… like turning edible food into charcoal and killing innocent plants in the prime of their life.

  2. I joined a gym i march, they have a creche for my daughter and it’s woman only. I started off really well, but wasn’t losing weight, so I stopped going for about 2 weeks. Now I’m struggling to get back into the motions of going every day! It’s such a hassle, but I’ll hopefully get back into it some day!

  3. Emma – That’s the same exact pitfall I run up against ALL the time! I get frustrated because weight/diet/exercise/etc. isn’t panning out the way I hoped so I stop. The first day I fall off program I think, “I’ll give myself a couple of days to rest, then I’ll get back into it”. YEAH RIGHT. A couple of days almost always spans out to a couple of months and then I’m left wondering why I can’t zip up my jeans anymore :)

    You can do it!! Join me in starting up again and we can suffer together :D

  4. good job! I wish I could find my running shoes again. I’ll go see if Couch has them.

    This is an excellent example of a post that should be Freshly Pressed :)

  5. My treadmill’s name is Randal. He’s fuzzy and brown and white and insists on dragging me 2.5 miles everyday… he doesn’t need to be dusted.

  6. I bought an elliptical one month ago. The week after it was finally set up by my fabulous boyfriend who groaned and grunted and swore at it for three days straight, I got sick. Very sick. Too sick to work out, clearly.

    I took that as an omen.

    And it has been glaring at me ever since…
    ;)

  7. hahaha…such are the voices in my head before going to the gym…great post!…keep spending more time with couch..and you can get more aggressive with treadmill..best of both worlds? if you walk and have ben and jerry’s and the same time I’m sure they cancel each other out lol

  8. Awesome stuff you have there! I keep telling myself that it’s time I shed some weight – tried 5 times, gave up halfway all 5 times. Wish I could have more determination and perseverance…

  9. This is so funny :-) Keep up the good work! I have walked past my running shoes twelve times today and have given them the cold shoulder. After reading this I have decided to make them a peace offering and actually use them :-)

  10. This is so funny! Just yesterday I came incredibly close to forking out 400 euros for new gym equipment in my appartment. But then in a flash I saw into the future. An exercise bike which hasn’t been used for 6 months taking up space uselessly in my living room apart from when I hang socks or tea towels on the handbars to let them dry. A weights bench propped up in the corner, which only gets folded down and used when a friend pops by and says, “oh, can i have a go?!”

    In the end I came away with a Swiss ball and some running shoes. The ball can be used for in loads of different ways, and deflated if I get tired of it. And isn’t it just so much better to run outside?

  11. OMG, I feel you on this! I do not have a treadmill of my own, but what I do have is a gym in my apartment complex. Nothing fancy, just a treadmill, eliptical and loads of guilt. I feel it stare at me when ever I go get the mail! Keep at it, and good luck!

  12. I have totally felt these feelings before. I’ve near-completely neglected my exercise regime over the past 10 weeks (I’ve been in Kenya… not exactly abundant in gyms or treadmills), and I imagine myself trying to console my body in the same way while I’m here and when I get home. Soldier on!

  13. Great read, Linda! Your relationship with Couch and Millie are so cute… of course, I’m sure there’s nothing cute about panting your innards out on a moving belt :( I would just take it one day at a time, at least you have your own running record to beat as a goal :) There are many out there who are still only trying to clamber on to the treadmill…

  14. ROTFL! That Couch is a sneaky devil — he looks so innocent and makes us fall for him every time due to the comfort he offers. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed. You’ve got a great gift for humor.

  15. I loved this post and laughed so hard. I just got rid of my “Millie” and made space for creativity instead by setting up an office/craft room. This might explain why my scale (“Bernice”) hasn’t been to happy with me lately. 😄

  16. For a moment there I was wondering why you called it (her) Millie and then a light bulb went on in my head and I was like ‘oh’. I think this is pretty conclusive evidence that this week has been way too long and I need to take a sabbatical from work for like forever. Good luck with the running.

  17. I’m a horrible person…I abandoned my treadmill when it made promises it couldn’t keep…like if I was faithful then it would instill confidence and energize me. It lied! After taking a walk on it several times, I wasn’t energized and the only confidence I had was that I was confident my legs and ass were on fire! I punished it by making it smell the sweat on my clothing that it had caused and then because it caused such a guilt trip on me by simply standing in the middle of my living room I banished it to the basement, where it hides it the darkness and collects spiderwebs.

  18. This post came just in time. I was considering spending money on an exercise bike for the TV room. You reminded me that I will never stick to it. Thanks for saving me all that money.

  19. Oh, Linda..your on and off relationship with the treadmill sounds so familiar to me, that is just unebelievable:) You just made me laugh heartily when reading ur posts and am wishing you to have more often encounters with it, as I will try to do that too :D

  20. I love these letters. I once wrote an Ode To A Garlic Knot, and a heartfelt apology for cheating on my Fat Smash Diet. This is excellent. Love it, and your blog.

  21. This is hilarious, and I’m glad I’m not the only one going through it. My daughter-in-law and I are working toward a half-marathon in December, and neither of us are runners. Yes, we’re crazy.

  22. I totally love these letters. good to see/find someone I have something in common with. I am on a diet that works for the first time. then again, i think I was the problem and not the diets. lol. Great write up.

  23. I love it when inanimate objects are our friends. Remember that the treadmill is your friend. And if she’s too fussy, there’s always the great outdoors. Good luck!
    irunibreathe.wordpress.com

  24. wonderful. i had such a love/hate relationship with the treadmill when i used to run…so much so, that i decided it just wasn’t worth it if i was hating myself so much after exercising. now i do exercises that i truly enjoy–like yoga, swimming, dance and cardio classes. but i feel your pain!

  25. :) Loved the post! It’s been a while since I ran too. Maybe I should get back on it. Hope Millie won’t be disappointed the next time! :D Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

  26. Doesn’t everyone have this kind of relationship with their workout machine? I used to have a similar one with my elliptical. It was a fantastic coat rack….

  27. Yup, another one who can relate — except that I never buy big equipment, so certain am I that it will go unused after some initial enthusiasm. You’ve got a terrific sense of humor and a great way of expressing it.

  28. You are hilarious Linda!!! I too, watch way too many hours of House and NCIS on the couch. Don’t have a Millie myself but there’s plenty of sidewalk around here. It’s hard to get me and the kids out to play, but it must be done!

  29. OKAY!!! OKAY!!!
    Now I have to make amends with the spin bike in our family room!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Even though he’s never had clothes piled on him and is not covered in dust, I never thought I’d be able to walk around him with barely a passing thought… I seem to have found it easy to almost totally IGNORE him….

    I too will now CURSE ice cream and make friends with my sneakers and exercise equipment. And will then caress the bike seat and handle bars and get on with it already.

    Thanks for the PUSH…err, I mean nudge. :)

  30. This made me crack up! It is amazing what a couple of months off from excercising can do. I recently just started excercising “hardcore” again. Over the past few months I had been slacking. Its so hard to get back into the routine of excercising again. I too had gained weight over the past few monthes and it makes it so much harder!

  31. Awesome! I have the same relationship with the threadmill, only I am 40 pounds heavier, compared to my before :-(

    I ran 5 miles in 45 minutes, now it takes me 25 minutes to get 2 miles in.

  32. I just mentioned that I’d love an elliptical machine in the house to my fiance… I wonder if I should name it so it won’t be mad when I neglect it for inevitable periods of time…? So funny. Thanks for writing!
    amber – theusualbliss.com

  33. Love it! Thanks for sharing. If Millie doesn’t knock off the creaking and whining, you may need to explain to her about these crazy little things called Craigslist and eBay. She could end up standing around holding a box of kitty litter in someone’s garage if she’s not careful.

  34. Excuse any typos as I am writing this from the floor where I collapsed in laughter while reading your post. I can’t remember the last time I laughed this hard. I wish I had written it. My treadmill is in the guest bedroom in a separate wing of the house I don’t have to visit too frequently. Free from confrontation. I have been spending an increasing amount of time on the treadmill in the past few weeks. It’s the least I can do. After all, I invited Ben and Jerry for a visit.

  35. I run in the desert southwest, high altitude, 98 degrees plus. Trust me, I do not look pretty afterwards. So what’s the freakin’ point?! There’s days I just want to hang it all up, buy some chips and dip, and never look back. But, for some reason, the hot, blazing sun and the parched earth still lure me out the door. Maybe aliens really did land in Roswell and I’m one of their many human experiements. Maybe they’re waiting to see if any internal organs fail, and how.

    Anyways, way off topic. Love your post; will follow your blog!

  36. Running shoes? What r running shoes? Lol! Thanks for the laugh…and a great post to reblog! Congrats on being freshly pressed!!

  37. You are a funnny lady! That was me about 11 years ago. I know so many people with large pieces of home fitness equipment that is used to hang laundry or as book shelves! However – issues with my wife’s health changed my outlook – now I’m the exact opposite – I’m a health nut!
    Love the post! take care – make friends with the poor treadmill and go girl go!!
    Doug

  38. Pingback: Favorites « The Little Bite

  39. This blog totally made my day. Finally, there is someone out there who said what I think everytime I stare at my treadmill and think about following through with all the promises I made. Oh, maybe I should spend more time running and less time typing…….

  40. Oh I sooooo know what you mean, I’m a yo-yo weight gainer and loser and it really takes its toll. Motivation is such a tough thing to get and keep even though it feels much better to be fit, plus I’m a mood eater and because I’m constantly down it doesn’t help! I’d love a treadmill though, I find walking (no way on the running lol) one of the simplest yet most effective ways to get and stay fit, I’d be on it all the time lol, I’d probably somehow affix my laptop to it just to make sure I stay there! That said though, we all have different exercise types that we find harder or easier to do than others, I may like walking on a treadmill and you may prefer the stuff I keep trying to get back into. That’s another thing I hate – it’s so easy to gain weight and so hard to lose it, if I eat too much for 1 week, it’ll take 3 weeks to fix it for example. I hate constantly having to start all over again, which can’t be healthy, but thank goodness for muscle memory!

    But anyway, best of luck with your efforts and well done on the 5k races – those are real achievements!

  41. Great post Linda!!! I couldn’t have ask for a better read before shutting my eyes than this. I was laughing and smiling the whole way through. I am def. sharing this with my sister who just so happens is a newbie to the threadmill =).

  42. LOL! You get me! There’s someone in this world who gets me!
    And btw, I love your writing. you really are hilarious. If you haven’t yet, you should watch the YouTube video “Love Letters” by LiamKyleSullivan.

  43. Excellent post Linda! Totally loved it, it made me laugh! And for some reason it motivated me to want to bring out my running shoes I have been hiding for about a year now. Best wishes to you and Millie!! =)

  44. Love it! Those damn inanimate bastards, always causing trouble. Frigerator is my nemesis, always offering tasty treats, saying, “It’s ok, have one more”–I swear in his previous life ( if electronics have a previous life) he was a low level drug dealer. I definitely feel your pain!

  45. Awesome – love it! I could only imagine the discussions I would have with my treadmill if I had one! I better get my (expanding) but in gear – I have signed up for a 5K color run in 2 weeks. Seems to always be a reason to not go out for a run – guess you and Millie understand! Happy reunion between the two of you!

  46. Love it! I think my rowing machine and your treadmill have much in common. Row may have a bit more to be pissed about, though. He gets shoved in the corner of the basement near the litter box. Then he literally gets send kicked in his face by the two felines that own our family. It’s a tough call. Thanks for the laughs.

  47. Hi so I am guessing you just LOVE pets and hope you go to my blog puppycatsfishandmore because I love animals too but my mom won’t let me have a pets so please go to my blog and help with my problem.

    • I can relate my dad didn’t let me have a dog for the longest and then when he did the poor thing had to stay outside, yuck. the winters can be pretty cold around here. but now I am married and can have any animal I want including horses. right now I have two dogs and yes I treadmill that I do use. lol.
      rose

  48. Reblogged this on WashedUpDonuts.com and commented:
    We all reach a certain stage in our lives were we feel like something we enjoy doing, some intensely so, become repetitive, and so our application of said something slows down and down and down until we reach an inevitable halt. The “Lazy Sunday” effect is a common epidemic. I think this post highlights our self-consciousness of this phenomena, even if we choose to act relaxed and blasé about it. There is a difference though between this and a “things will work themselves out” approach.

  49. Great stuff yet again! My treadmill may never speak to me again, as I said the very same thing when she/he came home. We would always be together, oh dear. Anyway, if these blogs were in a book, I’d buy them. They have made my day. Keep up the good work.

  50. Heh, I can sympathize with your journey of self-descovery and eating. I have to do P90X workouts in order to get ready for summer sports, and trust me, It isn’t as easy and happy as it sounds. In the beginning, I was doing the Power 90 Bonus workouts, in order to prepare for the extreme impact of the real deal. I struggled with consistancy, and the ability to self motivate. “I’m tired” and “My Legs Hurt” were a mere few of the excuses that left my mouth in my decision to continue typing on my keyboard, and clicking my little mouse. I wish you the best of luck.

  51. Omgosh!!! What an adorable blog post!! I don’t own a treadmill, but I’ve said similar things to my walking DVDs. I feel for you about the 5k. I ran one last year, and now you’d never know looking at me. Need to get back into running! Stay strong! We can do this! :)

  52. Great posts. So funny and relatedly true. I too need to get off the couch and get back on the treadmill.

  53. Oh god, this made me literally lol. I’ve been in this exact situation SO many times! As a matter of fact, I’m in it right now! 30 lbs to lose and no motivation to speak of…the age old story. lol

    Thanks for sharing! This absolutely brightened my day!

  54. I have several letters to my treadmill as well….though mine have a few more choice words…..LOL! Great post. :-)

  55. Hi Linda, I share your pain. My jeans don’t fit, and I keep having to purchase the next size up… Actually, I gave up my Millie years ago, so I no longer suffer from that sneaky emotionless glare that makes you feel guilty. And I keep meaning to visit the gym (just 3 minutes away). Maybe some day!… Couch looks & feels lovelier for now. Hope you dont mind, cos I’ve share your post on facebook, and your link. Good luck.

  56. You made me laugh. And you have encouraged me to make peace with my own treadmill (our relationship goes back 10 years at least). My family keeps reminding me that the treadmill is in the basement, especially when it is 104 outside in the summer or 20 in the winter. :)

  57. …hahahaha Love it. I have a cycle that’s now in storage :D Though I have joined the gym, and have been going (off-and-on). It’s just that something or the other keeps happening. Almost like the Gods just don’t want me to hit the gym ;) But I do promise myself every day that tomorrow will be the day. Absolutely love this post.

  58. OMG, this made me laugh- so funny!
    My treadmill’s been in my living room for about 2 yrs. now. I try to bypass the guilt by not making any rash moves next to it and avoiding any eye-contact.

  59. I tried different ways to lose some of my weight.
    I stopped eating fast food,sugar,milk,with all that precautions I did not lose even one kilo.
    I practised on walking machine for 30 minuts daily nothing help.
    Sometimes I said to myself why u suffer! just enjoy all the food.
    then I listen to my heart and mind saying “do it for your health”

  60. I am on my treadmill everyother day and on my eliptical on alternate days. Yet, somehow I have still managed to gain 5 pounds this summer. Perhaps it’s the daily wine and aperitivo before dinner? Congrats on being freshly pressed. Well deserved. Very funny posts!!

  61. I love this, I swear you were inside my head with the treadmill thing – finally sold mine to my bro-in-law! I decided that what I really love about running is being outside in the sunshine with good music or good friends so if I can’t have that, I’ll find some other way to stay active. I had a bike too that sat here in my living room and I even had a DVD that made me feel like I was in a race (all I needed was a sunlamp and a fan) but still no good. I realized part of the exercise is to get me away from home too. I’d much rather run indoors at the gym if that’s my best option. Good for you for writing it down! LOVE IT!

  62. I can’t stand treadmills either and I think more treadmillls are used for hanging clothes than exercise! Love the photo:)

  63. Great post! Very cute.
    Treadmills are fantastic! I adore mine so much that I’ve been through 4 motors, a board, and I need to replace the belt.
    People say treadmill running is boring. Ppffffffffffft! Stick the tv in front of Millie! Think about watching at least part of your House marathon while walking on Millie. You can’t do that outside! I swear, after some adjustment time, it won’t even feel like you’re working. Read a book. I run intervals, short sprints with longer, slower speeds. During the slow parts I can read a book or the paper, play on my cell. Heck, at one point, I even had the GameCube (yes, it was a while ago) hooked up in front of my treadmill. Even if you only spend 15 minutes on it, it’s 15 minutes! And usually, if I get on for a short time, I end up going for much longer.
    The one downside of doing all your walking on a treadmill, however, is that it’s not a true replacement for outdoor running. It is always harder to run outdoors than it is on a treadmill.
    Good luck. Keep at it!!!!

  64. Hahaha great work! make sure you keep it up :P
    I love your way of writing, it’s simply awesome so please don’t mind me when i kind of had a panic attack on your site and a fit of clicking everywhere to find the next post. And of course, please don’t roll your eyes when you see a little plus sign at the top right-hand corner saying “wackadoodle is now following your blog”
    see? im learning already!!! :D

    Loyal follower from now!!!!

  65. i just simply loved your post, it is hilarious and resonates with so many of our personal experience with our sneakers, treadmills and gym memberships. keep up the good work.

  66. My family just bought a treadmill! Since it’s new so the people at home are still hyped up to use it. I actually opened your blog because I saw treadmill written on it.haha But a really nice entry! people can surely relate! I sure hope our Millie won’t be forgotten after a period of time. =D

  67. Love ‘Couch’ – during my college years, we had a couch (avocado green, of course) that was horrible to sit on, but was the best horizontal napping couch in history. My roommates and I used to actually make reservations for it on sticky notes: Holly – couch claimed from 1-2.

  68. I used to HATE running. But I think it’s kind of addictive. Or maybe It’s just because I can drop my kids off at the free creche at the gym and have an hour (not all on the treadmill, HA, as if!) of sanity.

  69. Absolutely hilarious! I bought my treadmill at the end of last year and it has been gathering dust ever since, my husband even moved it to a better location (closer to the tv) and still it gathers dust, and washing and shoes and whatever else I can use to hide its existence :-)

  70. This is absolutely great! You and I have quite few things in common! I also have treadmill. No, I don’t hang clothes on it, but I have been neglecting it quite a bit. In fact, I’m pretty sure my yoga mat and pilates ball are also feeling a little lonely lately. I wish I had more time to work out, but I’ve been working practically everyday this week…at least I’m on my feet for 8 hours a day so I don’t feel too sluggish or like I’ve been stagnate lol. I definitely will get back into it tomorrow though since it’s my day off. After all, I’ve got a ton of stress and binge eating calories to burn! By the way, congrats on being freshly pressed. I really enjoyed reading this :).

  71. Nice Blog… I’m just starting myself to blog (www.http://ethanthemarketingpro.com).
    It’s been a fun journey so far… Please check out my blog when you have a chance and let me know what you think. I love constructive feedback. And if I can be of any help to you as well, please don’t hesitate to let me know. Ethan

  72. This is hilarious I think I say the same stuff ever since I truncated my routine. I’m expanding as I sit in my couch and I’ve been saying I’ll hit the gym for a long time. Wish I had space at home to house a treadmill or some gym equipment too. Then I’ll re-evaluate if I want to be serious with them :)

  73. I have a similar relationship with my elliptical. It’s down our basement and I hate going down there. Would much rather hang out with Comfy Chair and Freshly Pressed. Elliptical is like a pair of expensive jeans that no longer fit, just hanging out and reproaching me.

  74. This post is the funniest thing I’ve read in quite a while! :D I’ve been thinking lately of going back on with my on-again-off-again relationship with my own treadmill, and you just nudged me in the right direction! So thanks! I’ll be prepared to factor in the time it will take to clean it off and find my shoes. So thanks for that too :D

  75. Awww now you’ve made me look to my left, where my dusty treadmill is looking at me all hopefully! Whose dumb I idea was it to put a treadmill next to the place where I sit on my butt and write, and eat.. and eat and write? Oh yeah… mine… sigh. :) Great post though!

  76. Honest and funny and clever. To be honest, treadmills bore me, so I hike, but I know that doesn’t work for everyone, and I’ve got many excuses, too. Good luck with the exercise.

  77. I love athletes with a sense of humor. Most of them take their activity so seriously it shows poorly. Keep up the effort. Remember Weight Watchers claims it takes thirty days to change a habit. You’ve only got twenty-six to go.

  78. You have got a nice writing style. I loved to read it. Actually, I just dropped by and was leaving when these words took my attention ‘….but I haven’t risked a glance in your direction because I feel guilty about how we left things.’ :) Would love to come again. Really enjoyed the post.

  79. It is so funny. I cheated on my Treadmill with an Ab Roller but that did not work out either. I am just bad with relationships. Ha ha ha ha ha.

  80. I came for the adorable kitty photo, I stayed for the post. Awesome read:) My last post had a similar theme. Although I refer to my bike as “my wife”, she doesn’t have a name, and I don’t talk to her (unless she speaks first, that’s our agreement).

  81. Great job! Love the humor! I was fortunate enough to lose 40 lbs (although everyone said I was thin then at 165) several years back when I got a bacterial infection. Between you and me (and not my husband – although he sees it), I am close to being 20 lbs away from that weight again – :O I now am able to pursue my photography f/t and no longer have a daily job I go to. I need strength!

  82. I am 27 and ( male ) once in the military and getting ready to run a 5k mud run in victorville ca next month. I have started a blog with my family to in order to keep motivated allwonderfullyexperienced.com! I know exactly how you feel about getting into the groove of things. Good thing is, these blogs keep us honest!

  83. I usually find there is a direct relationship between the amount you will use a piece of exercise equipment…….and it’s ability to ‘fold flat for storage’ ….. at least a tready is usually too big to store and avoid! :)

  84. Pingback: Official Site(OS) – A video blog from David Archuleta « Its A Rush World

  85. Great blog. Thanks for adding some humor to my nightshift. And being a paramedic, I might add that it’s a good thing that you did not require defibrillation, as your treadmill might have thought that you were cheating on it with other electronics.

    Leah

  86. really like this post, and the posts from others, really cute, funny and sad too. I see commercials on the tv all the time for exercise machines of every kind. they must sell other wise they wouldn’t be on there all the time. but to look around the country you wouldn’t know anyone bought a machine except maybe chuck norris.lol. I use my treadmill regularly 3 times a week doing HIIT (high intensity interval workouts) being obese like I am I needed some way to get my body to work, sweat and burn alot of sugar without injury to my legs. right now my right knee is achy so I will be very careful in my next workout. I take minor aches to my legs, ankles and back even slight ones very seriously, being overweight I cannot risk a serious injury by overusing the parts that are achy. I walk the dogs and hike trails when I can. I do a little weight lifting as well. many times we don’t feel like exercising because we are malnorished, your body cannot afford to waste energy when your metabolic profile is sick.

    rose

  87. Pingback: Walking on sunshine « Wordsmatter

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