I’ve been blogging for close to two years, and something happened to me this week that has never happened before: I wrote a blog post that got absolutely no comments. NONE. NADA. ZIP. I know there are a lot of bloggers out there who’ve experienced this before. I’ve seen empty comment sections on countless blogs that I’ve visited…. and then scrolled passed without commenting. But believe me, had I known how shitty it felt to put on a performance for an empty room, I would’ve taken the time to give you my two cents worth of feedback. Probably.
I didn’t even get an obligatory comment from any of my friends or relatives – what good are you people if you’re not going to feed my ego and tell me that everything I do is awesome?! Anyone who knew me back when my hair had its own zip code….
is contractually obligated to blow smoke up my ass every once in awhile – especially when no one out in the cold, harsh world seems willing to do it. Hey, I’ll probably be the one changing your adult diapers if/when you become too old to remember how to navigate the complicated world of indoor plumbing. So, the least you can do is comment on one of my blog posts if it looks like it’s going to crash and burn.
Which clearly, this one did. Okay, so point taken. Obviously, none of my (almost) 1,400 followers had any interest in hearing about my writer crushes on David Sedaris and Jenny Lawson, or the fact that I’d love to know what it feels like to wear their skin like a suit. Whatever. You want to be all judgey about it – FINE. How was I supposed to know I was the only one who got excited about tumors and children dressed up as dead fairytale characters? It’s not like they tell you those kinds of things in the blogger’s guide to the galaxy. I had to learn it the hard way. But that particular lesson came at a pretty hefty price – now my ego feels a bit like week-old roadkill.
Perhaps I’ve been a bit spoiled by the past two years worth of praise from other bloggers and the WordPress powers-that-be (I was Freshly Pressed. Twice. Yes, I’m totally bragging – give me a break, did you see the splattered remains of my ego back there??). I know I can’t realistically expect to always be on top. I also know writers need to have a really thick skin so they can withstand the public’s scrutiny, time and time again. And yes, I know that I should be writing for myself, and not just to please the masses or get a pretty ribbon pinned on my shirt.
But here’s the deal – knowing all of that doesn’t make failure suck any less. It also doesn’t silence the voice of doubt that creeps into my head while I’m sitting beneath a pile of my own stink; the voice that keeps wondering if I’m really cut out for all of this. And if I wasn’t…. what the fuck am I supposed to do now? Seriously – WHAT?!
Have any of you writers out there ever had any truly EPIC fails on your blog? Please share your sob story with me. Then we can have a few beers, a good cry, and sing a drunken rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s ”I Will Survive”. It’ll be awesome.